He's a piece of meat with two eyes. Any donations would be welcome. Hairline. Short and Sweet. 0. A: Facing Bloomingdale's. Jewish Comedians. Synonyms for one-liner include quip, joke, jest, witticism, gag, wisecrack, pleasantry, crack, sally and funny. “Your son will be especially pleased because this girl has a figure like an angel — 36-21-36.” “And that’s an understatement!” cried the assistant, butting in once more. "Mom, how are you? Q: How many Jewish mothers does it take to change a light bulb? From all of us, Thank you. Hanukkah One-Liners. The paramedic says, "Are you comfortable?" SOURCE: Bernstein, Jüdische Sprichwörter und Redensarten, Erotica und Rustica. By the middle part of that century, the numbers had declined to around 2.5 million but it is still being spoken today. A car hit an elderly Jewish man. The drunk says "Okay, let's get started." The boy says, "I play the part of the Jewish husband." Joke Of The Day. In the early part of the 20th century, more than 10 million people world-wide spoke Yiddish. Some of us miss the old kind of (Yiddish) humor. 50 One-Liners From Comedy Legends Jillian Scheinfeld 5/1/2020. ------------------------------ ------------------------------ ------------------------------ ------------------------------ -------------. Jewish Humour: One Liners Monday Humor Much of the Jewish humour on this site can be found in this wonderful book: The Encyclopedia of Jewish Humor, compiled and edited by Henry D. Spalding. Then the mud fell off. Mrs. Cohen answered, "So did my arthritis!". He … Jewish Nuptuals – The Celebration and the Humour A Jewish wedding is one of the cornerstones of the Jewish life cycle and as with all religions, is a great cause for celebration, and a source of humour. Panda Has The Last Laugh With Prostitute. The Harvard School of Medicine did a study of why Jewish women like Chinese food so much. "Not too good," said the mother. If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend. ", ------------------------------ ------------------------------ ------------------------------ --------------------------. Q: Why don't Jewish mothers drink? A car hit an elderly Jewish man. Q: Why do Jewish mothers make great parole officers? The Rabbi, somewhat confused, says, "I'm not one to make waves or anything, but I need to know something. A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase. One Liners. The mother scowls and says, "Go back and tell the teacher you want a speaking part." Yo Mama. ... Henny Youngman (AKA the "King of the One-Liners"), was famous for his simple, rapid-fire jokes. It’s full of insider references that only its Jewish viewers will fully get — and it’s the song that made me start watching the show. When an old maiden marries, she becomes a young wife. She was at the beauty shop for two hours. Taste the difference between a cup of tea and saving a life. A drunk was in front of a judge. The paramedic says, "Are you comfortable?" Jewish circumcision jokes are a dime a dozen, but it’s hard to write a good one, let alone one that doesn’t unfairly demonize Jews for the ancient (and very safe!) Synonyms for one-liners include humor, humour, jokes, joking, wit, comedy, jesting, jests, witticisms and gags. ", She said, "Because I haven't eaten in 38 days. Beard. The judge says, "You've been brought here for drinking. Adultery Runs Rife Within This Parish. The man asks, "Doc, how do I stand? SHARES. Raykh zol er zayn un hobn tsvey oytos. A bum asked a Jewish fellow, "Give me $10 till payday." Then the mud fell off. Patient: "I AM 60!" This time I was the one who stayed in the bathroom and cried. From all of us, Thank you. The Differences Between Boys And Girls. Sharing stories, in English and Yiddish, of the diverse ways Jews of all backgrounds - and our neighbors — live, think and celebrate. In this App Store you can save a life for 99 cents, but if you want to you can pay 1 Euro. Parents teach their children to talk; children teach their parents silence. ", ------------------------------ ------------------------------ --------------, Patient: "I have a ringing in my ears. " Continuing my craze with Yiddish, I am compiling a list of the best Yiddish jokes that people know. Take underlining what you are saying in English with dortn which means much more than "there," or saying feh as a response to everything from smelling a rotten egg to describing a hangover to contemplating an operation for hemorrhoids, instead of "phooey" or … I've been in love with the same woman for 49 years. 25 Classic One-liners About Aging. ", The mother answered, "Because, I didn't want my mouth to be full in case you should call.". The son said, "That's terrible. The angel begins to lead the Rabbi inside alone. The Doctor called Mrs. Cohen saying, "Mrs. Cohen, your check came back." I think I've been a good Rabbi. A YIDDISH GUIDE TO THE HUMOR OF HENNY YOUNGMAN 1906-1998 by Marjorie Gottlieb Wolfe Syosset, New York. From all of us, Thank you. ", The father scowls and says, "Go back and tell the teacher you want a speaking part.". The angel begins to lead the Rabbi inside alone. ", ------------------------------ ------------------------------ ------------------------------ ------------------------------ --. Q: What's a Jewish American Princess's favorite position? My wife and I went to a hotel where we got a waterbed. After last weeks effort I thought we need to share the humour: "I've been very weak." Use these 35 Yiddish … From all of us, Thank you. Eyn oyto zol loyfn khapn far im a dokter, un der tsveyter zol loyfn moydie tsu zayn, az s'iz shoyn nokh alemen. A large selection of funny Jewish jokes and humour, one-liners, puns, Jewish curses, and the occasional funny quote and limerick! A doctor held a stethoscope up to a man's chest. The boy says, "I play the part of the Jewish husband. Panda Has The Last Laugh With Prostitute. Not a single swear word in their comic routines as shown below: A car hit an elderly Jewish man. No more being embarrassed about getting older. A doctor held a stethoscope up to a man's chest. If my wife finds out, she'll kill me! Funny Jewish and Yiddish Sayings. “Her bosom is … The thief spends less than my wife did. 4. Opportunity may knock once, But temptation bangs on the front door forever. From all of us, Thank you. We introduce you to Yiddish insults. Super Tuesday Results: The Trump Nightmare Continues, Interesting photos from all over the world. Doctor: "See! Squid Puns List Each item in this list of squid puns is either a simple word-swap (e.g. Henry "Henny" Youngman (original Yiddish surname Yungman; 16 March 1906 – 24 February 1998) was an English-American comedian and musician famous for his mastery of the "one-liner"; his best known one-liner being "Take my wife ... please". A drunk was in front of a judge. I just got back from a pleasure trip. No one gives a f*ck about the jews." They're worth it. (This is not to be confused with the Jewish one liners question, this is strictly for Yiddish jokes. Vote: share joke. Game Of Bridge. More jokes about: Hitler, jewish, racist. JEWISH JOKES (Huge thanks to my mother for many of ... Yiddish Proverb: When the prick stands, the brains get buried in the ground. << We have over 150 Categories of Jokes on our Main Page! I don’t speak Yiddish myself, besides the words most English speakers know (schlep, schmuck) and what I learned taking Yiddish lessons for one year in college. Joke Of The Day. Here are some of the common words you might want to know the meaning of: A man called his mother in Florida , "Mom, how are you?" The paramedic says, "Are you comfortable? Q: Why do Jewish men like to watch porno movies backward? Yiddish parrot Joke: Shlomo wants to buy a parrot and goes to a pet shop to see what they have.The assistant shows him a parrot and explains that this one is really quite... the joke is just one of many funny jokes on Joke Buddha! I wish my brother would learn a trade, so I would know what kind of work he's out of. Q: What's the difference between a Rottweiler and a Jewish mother? They were talking amongst themselves in Yiddish – the colorful language of Jews who came over from Eastern Europe A Chinese waiter, only one year in New York, came up and in fluent impeccable Yiddish asked them if everything was okay and if they were enjoying the … "I've been very weak. Hey, it’s just a fact of life. From all of us, Thank you. (This is not to be confused with the Jewish one liners question, this is strictly for Yiddish jokes. The Rabbi, somewhat confused, says, "I'm not one to make waves or anything, but I need to know something. ", ------------------------------ ------------------------------ ------------------------------ ----, A man called his mother in Florida . If there is a mirror, the clean one will look in the mirror and, therefore, will not go to wash up. Nan. Joke has 78.24 % from 1346 votes. Well now you can, and we have the perfect language to do so! A: They never let anyone finish a sentence. There is a big controversy on the Jewish view of when life begins. 4. Q: Have you seen the newest Jewish-American-Princess horror movie? Ladder Too Expensive To Advertise. "Honey, I'm home!" Blonde. Find more similar words at wordhippo.com! I'll sit in the dark. The Differences Between Boys And Girls. I've worked hard all my life. Patient: "I AM 60!" SHARE. The English language has a habit of absorbing words and phrases into its messy conglomeration, and the Yiddish influence is evident. A: It's called "Debbie Does Dishes." Every day this week we’ll be highlighting classic and cutting-edge Jewish comedy. During nearly six decades in comedy, Joan Rivers insulted many with her caustic one-liners, but she was at her best when she directed her venom at herself. Quotes and One Liners humorous one-liners, quotations, last words, Murphy's Laws & more Fuertenews is a free publication bringing you news and views about Fuerteventura. Who can give more?. A Jewish boy comes home from school and tells his father he has a part in the play. My wife was at the beauty shop for two hours. The character growth, inspirational fashion, and progressive community just touch the surface as to why this show is untouchable. L’chaim! He was a lifelong B'klyn resident who got his big break on the Kate Smith show in 1937. Save a life & look at yourself in the mirror, you'll see the difference. Raykh zol er zayn un hobn tsvey oytos. Dolphin. Jokes4us.com - Jokes and More. practice. She got a mud pack and looked great for two days. He's walking along the street when Hitler drives up in a Volkswagen and leaps out with a Luger pistol in his hand. What are three words a woman never wants to hear when she's making love? However, due to a lack of knowledge about the language, some non-Jews view Yiddish as a language completely composed of snappy one-liners and swears, which reduces nuanced communication to a caricature. The bum said, "I don't know! Jack writes about the horrors of the ivory trade. A deaf man heard a dumb man recount that a blind man saw a lame one run very fast. *The Yiddish word for comic/jester is “komiker. ", Mrs. Cohen replied, "So did my arthritis! The man says, "I make a good living." I've worked hard all my life. Not only is the film jam-packed with jokes, but each of them holds a mirror up to society in a way that few comedies ever do. Homer writes about the mating ritual of the elephant. ער איז אַ שטיק פֿלייש מיט צוויי אויגן. One of the best-known Yiddish writers, Isaac Bashevis Singer, had a series of one-liners when asked about the fate of Yiddish, a question that Yiddishists have been wrestling with for decades. Developed out of Hebrew and German, the Yiddish language is filled with dark comedy that makes it perfect for expressing any complaint, frustration, or insult. Why do Jewish divorces cost so much? Short and Sweet. Moshe writes about the elephant and the Jewish problem. Popular Yiddish Words. I think I've been a good Rabbi. Ten Clean, Funny Best Man Jokes Jewish Wedding Jokes Interesting Jewish Wedding Traditions Funny Jewish Jokes Sponsored Links … Jewish Wedding Jokes Read More » One-Liners Translate in ‘Yiddish,’ But Plot Line Does Not NO WRITER ATTRIBUTED “Where do Jews come from?” asks a character in the first act of “A Little Night Yiddish.” I just realized they share a punchline: Cohen lives in Berlin in 1933. At one point, the priest asks the rabbi: “I hope you don’t mind me asking, but I’ve often wondered if you've ever tried bacon” The rabbi admitted: “Well, I did once, out of curiosity many years ago, but never again” The priest smiled kindly: “I understand, old friend. In a time when many comedians told elaborate anecdotes, Youngman's routine consisted of telling simple one-liner jokes, occasionally with interludes of violin playing. Eating Daffodil Bulbs Is Extremely Dangerous. One mood all month. The Doctor gave a man six months to live. Please keep the answers separate and offer translation where possible. 25 Classic One-liners About Aging. The Grandmother: a Funny Story Stamps At Hanukkah: A Droll Tale Rudi, The Village Rabbi Funny Hanukkah One-liners Popular Hanukkah Traditions Sponsored Links ∇ Clean and Funny Jokes for Hanukka The Grandmother: a Funny Story Last year, just before Hanukkah, Miriam, a grandmother … As with all entries on Punpedia, if you’ve got a great squid pun, you can post it in the comments and one of our curators will add it to this entry. She asks, "What part is it? SHARES. Amnesia International original web | Anno 2021, A car hit an elderly Jewish man. From all of us, Thank you. In the winter of 1926, Thelma Goldstein from Chicago treated herself to her first real vacation in Florida. Eyn oyto zol loyfn khapn far im a dokter, un der tsveyter zol loyfn moydie tsu zayn, az s'iz shoyn nokh alemen. My father never lived to see his dream come true of an all-Yiddish-speaking Canada. They were talking amongst themselves in Yiddish – the colorful language of Jews who came over from Eastern Europe A Chinese waiter, only one year in New York, came up and in fluent impeccable Yiddish asked them if everything was okay and if they were enjoying the … From all of us, Thank you. She got a mudpack and looked great for two days. 17.7k Views. Yiddish Jokes. From all of us, Thank you. Joke Of The Day. ------------------------------ ------------------------------ ------------------------------ ------------------------------ --------------. To save a life there is no minimum, give what you want. Game Of Bridge. I just realized they share a punchline: Cohen lives in Berlin in 1933. One car should rush to get him a doctor, and the other should rush to say it's too late. ------------------------------ ------------------------------ ------------------------------ ------------------------. Doctor: "You'll live to be 60!" THE FRIARS CLUB 57 East 55th Street New York, New York 10022 Phone: 212-751-7272 My wife called it the Dead Sea . ------------------------------ ------------------------------ ------------------------------ ------------------------------ ----------. ... "My father never lived to see his dream come true of an all-Yiddish-speaking Canada." Bankruptcy is a legal proceeding in which you put your money in your pants pocket and give your ... they have no holidays. The Jewish men were dumbfounded. One-liners. Use these 35 Yiddish … Opportunity may knock once, But temptation bangs on the front door forever. Why haven't you eaten in 38 days?" Here are a few examples: * I just got back from a pleasure trip. Why haven't you eaten in 38 days? Joke Of The Day. She said, "Because I haven't eaten in 38 days." Well now you can, and we have the perfect language to do so! If charity was worth nothing, everyone would be philanthropists. That was only for the estimate. We introduce you to Yiddish insults. 17.7k Views. Mrs. Cohen answered, "So did my arthritis!" Adultery Runs Rife Within This Parish. From all of us, Thank you. ------------------------------ ------------------------------ ------------------------------ ------. ", "Not too good," said the mother. My wife calls it the Dead Sea . The English language has a habit of absorbing words and phrases into its messy conglomeration, and the Yiddish influence is evident. If I let go, she shops. I took my mother-in-law to the airport. “There is one more thing,” he said to the groom’s father, smiling knowingly, in a man-to-man manner. People are funny; they want the front of the bus, Middle of the road, And back of the church. A: Eventually, the Rottweiler lets go. When the parade is gone, an angel returns to the Rabbi and says, "You can come in now." It is easier to preach ten sermons Than it is to live one. 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